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It's Beginning to Look Quite Naughty

August is here, and we all know what THAT means.

It’s less than 150 days until Christmas!

Yes, retailers everywhere are proofing the last commas, making a list and checking it twice, to find out who gets the naughty catalog and who gets the nice.

Even here at X10, the elves are getting ready for an unforgettable Christmas – especially after some X10 surveillance cameras are placed in strategic positions around homes, businesses and intimate areas. Yes, there are ways to send Playstation signals anywhere in the house, there are ways to protect your home from strangers, and there are ways to make sure parents know when their young hackers are messing around with the V-Chips.

But, with the world quickly approaching Armageddon, there will be more and more incentive to protect your own homeland security.

X10 has holiday gifts for everyone. But surveillance cameras will definitely be the “Tickle-me Elmo” of the early twenty-first century. We have learned that The White House already has plans to incorporate X10 surveillance cameras into a national contest to “turn in your neighbor.”

Is Grandma Ruth connecting with terrorists at her “stitch and bitch” circle? Are the kids cooperating with a youth brigade designed to turn them into tree huggers? Is that friendly donut shop operator putting sugar-coated serum into those Boston Creams?

Uncle Sam needs you and your Vanguard camera.

Patriotic Americans of course need to have an incentive before they will spy on their terrorist neighbors. Naturally, this contest will have a long list of prizes.

-Grand Prize: an autographed copy of “My Pet Goat,” from the President.
- An exclusive “You Tube” video link to pictures of Laura and Jenna Bush after their latest drinking adventure at a Crawford, Texas wet t-shirt contest.
- A complete list of all your neighbors telephone conversations for last five years.
- Exclusive footage of Dubya on his bicycle tackling the steep, mountain ranges surrounding Camp David on his bicycle.

Aren’t you excited already? What’s the matter aren’t you a patriotic American? Maybe YOU are the terrorist?

Keep in mind that this is a government contest, and naturally there has to be lots of rules. Each applicant will of course be required to submit to an FBI background check to measure your purity. In addition, the following rules for the contest have been established:

1. You must be old enough to get a hunting license. (for those choosing an alternative prize – a hunting trip with the Vice President)
2. You must be a certified Republican
3. You must have contributed at least $50,000 to the GOP.
4. You must be at least able to remove the lens cap from a camera.
5. If you have contributed more than $100,000 the previous requirement does not apply.
6. Bonus points should your neighbors be caught on cameras with an Arabic accent.

The decision of White House judges is final. Votes will be tabulated by voting machines in Franklin County, Ohio. The first 50,000 terrorists identified within the first 25,000 entries will be accepted. No photocopies of birth certificates, passports, or library cards will be accepted.

All terrorists will win a one-way ticket to Guantanomo, Cuba.


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