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Taking Charity to the Next Level

It was just a couple of months before Election Day, and the party boss couldn’t believe what he was seeing. The distinguished Congressman Hans Im Deeppocket, a good Christian soldier with all the obligatory values – honesty, charity and follow the leader – had been caught stealing cash on an X10 surveillance camera at the Orphans for Freedom headquarters.

The organization helps collect the orphans of Middle East wars, bring them to America for a day at Disneyworld and thereby keep them from becoming suicide bombers after they returned to their homelands at the end of the 48-hour whirlwind tour. They are presented with a DVD of the latest Superman movie, the lyrics of the Star Spangled Banner and a certificate of their participation from the President. “What more could possibly do?” The President said upon adding his signature.

What the Congressman didn’t know, was that the musty old headquarters building on the wrong side of town had been subject to numerous burglaries in recent months. A key contributor to the nonprofit had been kind enough to install several X10 Vanguard cameras throughout the building, including the kitchen area where the Congressman apparently helped himself to some petty cash. “I hope that my actions are not misinterpreted, “the Congressman told the Party Boss. “I was not really stealing.”

“Then what exactly WHERE you doing?” the party boss asked?

“This organization was too poor to put on the usual spread I get in my visits,” the Congressman began. “I thought they were doing the best they could for me – you know – there were a couple of vending machines in the corner, so I thought they were offering this to me in lieu of a banquet table.”

“Uhm, you took about $39 – that’s a lot of Coke.”

“Well, yes, but I thought they would feel insulted if I took less.” The Congressman replied.

“Insulted?” the Party Boss was sinking lower and lower in his chair.

“You know, some hosts are insulted if you don’t take everything they offer…” the Congressman said.

“They offered?” the Party Boss replied, with hope in his voice.”

“Well, not exactly. “ The Congressman said. “I thought it was just like when I have lunch with some lobbyists… you know, they’ll not only pick up the tab, but they give me a tip for the honor of having lunch.”

“A tip?” the Party Boss was sweating.

“I still remember that pharmaceutical lobbyist… he was a real cheap skate. I put in legislation that made his company a gazillion billion dollars, and all he gave me for a stinking tip was $500,000. That’s less than one verstunken percent!”

“Calm down, Hans,” The Party Boss was collecting his thoughts, and put his hand gently on top of the Congressman. “We’ve got to figure out a way to explain this to your constituents when the film goes on the air. It’s a good thing your opponent has a prison record and an admitted child molester”

“Admitted?” A smile came to the Congressman’s face.

“After our people go and work him over, he will be…” the Party Boss said.


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