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Digging Down to the Bare Bones

Wacky Weekends at X10 are beginning to get noticed around X10.

Customers are starting to line up at the call center as if it were the Friday after Thanksgiving at the dearly departed Filene’s Bargain Basement in Boston. Ordinarily nice people who would ordinarily use the proper “please” and “thank you,” are stomping over each other to bid on the electronic necessities of electronic life. “Gimme that video sender you #@%^ Jezebel,” or other discouraging words are now so often heard.

Our phone company keeps reminding us that there are laws against the kind activity going on over innocent telephone wires – wires that are burning with loquacious customers watching their timepieces, pleading to get to the end of the queue before the clock strikes midnight.

Like the Filene’s customers that would rip clothing off the backs of other shoppers, some of our telephone and online customers are making some strange bids. Several female shoppers dropped into the blog of the deliciously handsome young Michael Mallari and started making bids on him. Fortunately, his wife turned out to be the highest bidder.

But now, the marketing people still fresh from their magic mushroom experience, are adding still another level of offense to their plan to give away the company store. No longer are the weekends around here “wacky,” now we have “Bare Bones Wacky Weekends,” implying some sort of homicidal action. The first response is already in, and typically it has no objection to the homicidal implication:

Dear Mr. X10:

We, the good families of Kent, object to your current advertising campaign regarding “Bare Bones Wacky Weekends.”

We can not allow our impressionable young children to witness “Bare” bones on their way to Sunday School. If you must display cadavers in your place of business, please make sure that they are at least properly dressed.

We will be watching closely to make sure that you stay within the proper legal boundaries and you do nothing that spoils the family environment that blesses our city.

Yours in harmony,

Penelope Pluperfect, Director of Moral Activities

Since X10 is, of course, a family company, we have taken care not to display any “Bare Bones” in public. If, however, you knock twice on a piece of wood, when you call, the call center representative may direct you toward some “Bare Bones” action.


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